If you play Pokémon online, you quickly realize that most everyone online is serious business. A misplay will cost you the game. So I created the app.
Submission 1: Pokemon Types
10.6: Apple and our customers place a high value on simple, refined, creative, well thought through interfaces. They take more work but are worth it. Apple sets a high bar. If your user interface is complex or less than very good it may be rejected
When I submitted the app, there was no other website, app, or experience that provided that interface. So I pushed back. Then I got this:
22.2: Apps that contain false, fraudulent or misleading representations will be rejected
Fine. Despite the myriad of "Pokémon" named apps on the store, I figured it was reasonable to change the name and re-submit the app.
Submission 2: Quick Attack
Okay. Maybe someone at app review just didn't like the app. As I continued battling, I realized it would also be useful to see a base stat breakdown of each pokémon. Should I send out my special sweeper or my physical sweeper? If we're both geared and specced for speed, who will move first if I attack now?
So I expanded the app, hoping to get past the dreaded, subjective 10.6 rejection. At the same time, another app was approved to the app store with a nearly identical interface, flaunting the word "Pokémon" all over the app and in the app name. Fuck me.
Submission 3: Quick Attack
Wat. Since installing the app on my phone, it has been my most used app, aside from my podcast client, maybe. I know there's value, so I appeal.
This time, I get some more information. They tell me that the app icon is at issue, despite never mentioning it before and just pasting the fucking manual at me. RTFM has never felt more depressing. But an app icon is fixable. I remove any reference to anything and try one more time.
Submission 4: Quick Attack
Is the icon awful? Sure. I intentionally made the icon as bland and lifeless as possible to avoid any potential conflict with any trademark of any product in the world. I may accidentally bear resemblance to some nation's flag. I wouldn't know. I just wanted a quick submission.
Rejection: 10.6 and 22.2
Ooh! A double whammy! Except this time, I know for damned sure I've addressed all the issues that app review had with the app. In one last attempt, I appeal again. This afternoon, I get this:
Huzzah. Ready for Sale! It took several weeks, but I finally did it. I fought the law, and I won.
Do I feel good? Not really. A simple app was delayed several weeks without a whole lot of feedback in the rejections. Why is app review time 7-10 days? I hear Apple is full with profit, literally brimming with cash and little to do with it. Apps are the cornerstone of why iOS is so successful. You think Apple would give a fuck.
With a tight feedback loop, I could have handled these 4 rejections in under a week. Does it really take 8 days to review an app with two views? For a new app or product, iteration is everything, and Apple makes it really, really difficult. I wish it didn't.
If you like Pokémon, go download Quick Attack from the app store. I hear your chance of finding a shiny improves if you leave a tip.